


The Best (NOT!) Soap Opera Ever

by JasmineWrites100304



Category: Original Work
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Buttsex everywhere, CRYING EVERYWHERE, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Damsels in Distress, Deliberate Badfic, Divorce, Drinking Games, Evil In-Laws, Family Problems, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Fighting Over Inheritance, Fourth Wall, Fourth Wall? What Fourth Wall?, Funerals, Household Problems, Human/Vampire Relationship, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Internalized Misogyny, Kidnapping, Literal Catfights, Love Triangles, Man-whores, Mean Girls, Parody, Poor characterization, Pythons are Poisonous, Soap Opera, Soap Opera Cliche Challenge, The Author Regrets Everything, Wangst, car crashes, crybabies, inner monologue, marriage problems, motorcycle crashes, trollfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasmineWrites100304/pseuds/JasmineWrites100304
Summary: GUD HOOMAN GURL MEETS BAD BOI VAMPYRRR. MEAN GIRL & EVIL IN-LAWS ATTACK. DEFEATED BY PLOT DEVICE OF DOOM. GURL & BOI HAVE PASS!ONATE $EX TOGETHURRR HUR HUR. ANGST ANGST ANGST...Or at least we thought so. Not in here, where the supposedly crybaby-and-beautiful-but-doesn't-know-it-also-is-too-dumb-to-live girl has a special power - to smash through (a) certain wall(s?).
Kudos: 3





	The Best (NOT!) Soap Opera Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Ladies & gentlemen, before we enter the story, I proudly present you exactly what it says in the title. Alcohol is normally used in such games, but if you’re underage, you can substitute alcohol with water, juice, milk, energy drink, etc. And now... let’s start, shall we?

_**The Ultimate Soap Opera Drinking Game** _

  1. Take a shot when there’s advertising in the middle of the show.
  2. Take a sip when you hear the show’s main theme.
  3. Take a chug when there’s a zoom in.
  4. Finish your drink when there’s an evil mother-in-law. *
  5. Finish TWO drinks when there’s a mean girl. *
  6. Finish your drink when someone cries (2 if it isn’t the protagonist crying). *
  7. Take a _tiny_ sip when someone yells “Ur ChEaTiNg on MEH! 1! 11! UNO!!!!” or something similar. *
  8. Take a chug when someone cries while praying.
  9. Take a shot for every car/motorcycle crash.
  10. Take a **_teeny tiny_** sip when someone yells “I disapprove of this shitty ass wedding for no adequately explained reason whatsoever!” or something similar.
  11. Take a shot for every special effect failure.
  12. Finish two drinks for every karmic death.
  13. Take a **_teeny wincy tiny_** sip for every moment when the word “divorce” is said. *
  14. Finish half your drink for every family problem. *
  15. Same goes with jealousy (look at the previous one). *
  16. Finish half your drink for every catfight scene (screaming women pulling out each other’s hair while high-pitched screeching). *
  17. Take 2 for a literal one (highly unlikely).
  18. Take a chug for every moment someone delivers inner monologue. *
  19. Take a shot for every funeral/wedding scene. *
  20. Same above if there’s a scene involving a snake.
  21. Take a chug every time someone falls down the stairs/off a cliff/balcony. *
  22. Take a **_teeny wincy teeny tiny_** sip for every “to be continued”.
  23. Take 2 chugs for every scene when a little kid is angry.
  24. Finish half your drink every time there is a running scene. *
  25. Take a **_teeny wincy teeny tiny_** sip for every extended high-pitched scream. *
  26. Take a sip every time someone faints.
  27. Take a chug everytime someone dies.
  28. Take a **_teeny wincy teeny tiny_** ** _sip_** everytime someone is in trouble (2 **_teeny wincy teeny tiny_** sips for a protagonist in trouble).
  29. Chug everytime someone is locked up.
  30. 3 chugs if someone’s tied up.
  31. Finish your drink when the villian does something bad & gets away with it (Karma is a bitch.).



**Author's Note:**

> * May induce alcohol poisoning.


End file.
